It has been a week or so since I blogged anything. Several reasons...we are one step from dial up out here with an AT&T air card. We have the best service we have ever had, but it still takes forever to upload a picture. I just do not have the patience at times. Another reason I have not written anything is that I guess I have not felt like I have done anything notable. I went to Greg's graduation last Saturday, but Sarah told about that as she should. I enjoyed the day though seeing Greg get his diploma and getting to see Liam who is now WALKING!!!! Where did the time go? Liam will be one year old in a week. Not only is he walking, he is also saying a few words and darn it all I think he said Paw Paw the other day. He thinks Randy is great and actually follows him around. Could it be that Randy is the chief 4 wheeler ride giver? No, he just loves his PawPaw!
This week marks an anniversary of sorts. It will be a year tomorrow that our little school out here at Fields closed its doors forever. I have been reflective this week as I finish my first year at DeQuincy Elementary. The closing of our school was a death that I still grieve like the loss of a friend. I worked there for 15 years. I had a sweet little comfort zone. I still harbor anger at those who made the decison to close the school. I use to say I was going to school every morning. Now, I go to work. I have lost my joy for teaching. It has now become a job. That is never fun.
I miss my coworkers. I still see them. We meet every two months to stay in contact. We call it our support group. Most of them are at Singer High School. I was offered a job there, but chose to resign. That is how I ended up in Calcasieu parish. I know I was blessed with the job I have. It is 11 miles from my home. Althought that is twice as far as I use to drive, it is not a commute at all. My new coworkers are wonderful, dedicated educators who are kind to me.
So why am I still struggling so? It is me I know. I just need to "get over it". Like I say, my joy for teaching is gone. I have been a cheerleader sponsor, various club sponsor, and was the school fund raiser chairperson the last few years. Some years I wore all those hats and was a classroom teacher as well. Now I struggle just doing what is expected of me in the classroom. I am teaching at the lowest grade level(3rd) I ever have, and I struggle daily with my effectiveness there. I use to never doubt my teaching ability, but as I said I doubt my effectiveness to these children. Every morning during "quiet time", I ask for patience and kindness towards all. I am hoping that the summer renews me, and that all the new procedures I struggled with at the beginning of last year will not seem so new.
Everyone, forgive my whining and selfishness. I know my life is blessed and from where those blessings come.
1 comment:
Have I told you that I love you? I really do. I miss your smiling face every Sunday. Come join me and sit with me.....I promise that it will get better and this "death" will turn into joy. My favorite saying these days, "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass....It's about learning to dance in the rain! I enjoyed our supper together!
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